Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
