After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize