sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
