she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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