so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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