I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
