True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
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