Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
