also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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