it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Randomize
