I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I only lived at night.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
