Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
