His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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