happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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