what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize