she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
