you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Randomize
