I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
Randomize
