There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
