I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
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