Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
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