my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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