hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
