If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
