here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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