please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Randomize
