Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Randomize
