I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize