This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
