the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
