i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
