party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
