Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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