the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
cat food counts as protein by the way
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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