Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
