Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
