Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
