Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
