I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Randomize
