Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
