My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
