Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
