you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
