I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
