he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
