I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
