quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize