we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
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