Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
zippers are such a cool invention
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
