You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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