I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
