omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Did you just see the Batmobile???
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
