I wish I could punch you in the face.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Randomize
