I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
