I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
