i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
