You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize