I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
