everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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