Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
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