I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Randomize
