so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize