you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
