all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
