Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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