I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
