My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
