He asked to "fluff my boner.."
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
