Non-Jews are for practice
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
