its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
