HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
