so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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