best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
