i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
