He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
