My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
