i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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