So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Randomize
