When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
