I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
