The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
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