the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
