just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
