too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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