i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
