My first STD was from a foam party
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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