she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
