Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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