It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
