Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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