So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
