it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
home. puking in laundry basket.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
