So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
