remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
