Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
Randomize
