Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
