Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
