my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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