dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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