Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
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