dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
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